Interview with Captain Evere
Question: So, what do you like about your part?
Answer: Do you have something written on your hand?
Question: No.
Answer: I saw something. I saw a lot of things.
Question: It’s nothing.
Answer: Are they questions?
Question: No.
Answer: Did you write down questions to ask me on your hand?
Question: Um…
Answer: “What do you like about your part?” You couldn’t remember that?
Question: Feel free to answer any time.
Answer: All right, I will. Ahem. Captain Evere is a very complicated man. He’s had a long colorful life, and that gives him many layers. Whenever I prepare a moment with him, I try to imagine which layer needs to come to the forefront. There’s the pirate, the husband, the friend, the man, the swindler, the machinator…
Question: Machinator?
Answer: Well yes. The machination man. You remember, right?
Question: Not actually.
Answer: Surely, you’ve read Archibald Awkins.
Question: Who?
Answer: The great playwright…
Question: Oh him, he’s terrible.
Answer: Terrible? He’s considered one of the greatest improvisational poets of all time.
Question: Yeah, by old people.
Answer: Like myself, I suppose?
Question: Well, I don’t know about that. You haven’t lost all of your hair.
Answer: You know, young lady, it’s no great accomplishment to be young. “Every living thing starts out young, but only the great ones achieve something during their lives.”
Question: Did you just quote Awkins?
Answer: Of course I did. Ugh. Youth is wasted on the young.
Question: I’m sorry, I only read it the once in high school. It was hard.
Answer: Yes, well, you came here totally unprepared. I might as well be speaking to the backdrop.
Question: Hey.
Answer: The truth only stings if you oppose it.
Question: I think I might cry now.
Answer: Your sarcasm is noted. But, don’t cry now. Cry after the interview is over. Because, otherwise, it will look like I am responsible.
Question: You are responsible.
Answer: Strictly speaking the fault lies in your upbringing. However, if I were to offend you I’d prefer not to know.
Question: Okay, well you know now.
Answer: Listen here, young lady, I tried to answer your question, but you were incapable of understanding the answer. What more do you want from me?
Question: I want you to answer it so we can wrap this up.
Answer: Wrap this up? Now, see here, this is not an imposition on your schedule, it is an imposition on mine. We are on my time, do you understand?
Question: Sorry, I…
Answer: This interview is over. Do you hear me?! Over!
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