CRUMBLE: Odger Jhonstin Interview


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Interview with Odger Jhonstin


Question: I know a lot of people see your performance in the books and they sometimes wonder if you are on anything when you are on set.

Answer: Well, that’s because I am.

Question: Are you admitting to…?

Answer: What? No. I am high on life. The drug I use is called joy. It’s prescribed by my soul, and it’s not a disage just anyone can take. The average person would live in my body for five minutes before they screamed and hollered. “Ahhh, I can’t handle all this happiness!” I’m like what would happen if Rainbow Bright and She-Ra adopted all of the My Little Ponies and combined them all into one massive MegaZord of squealing exuberance.

Question: Okay, that…

Answer: …and then we’d stomp down the street, crushing cars and hurling buildings, our fiery breath bringing destruction to anyone who doesn’t buy this book at least three times a week.

Question: Yes, see, that’s what we’re talking about…

Answer: We? Do you have other people living in there too?

Question: What? No.

Answer: Are you a MegaZord made from He-Man and the Real Ghostbusters and all the Transformers all combining together into one cosmic entity? Because that would be awesome.

Question: Just listen. You say it’s all about love and joy, but you’ve been accused several times of hunting down the people who leave bad reviews…

Answer: Uh huh…

Question: And harassing them.

Answer: Go on, I like this part.

Question: …toilet-papering their houses, putting plastic wrap on their toilets…

Answer: Heh, heh, this is a great story.

Question: …It’s even been alleged that you bought ten thousand get well cards and shoved them through someone’s mail slot one at a time.

Answer: Yeah, took three days, I mean, NO, that never happened…but it would have been cool if it did.

Question: I just think that your anger and resentment…

Answer: Passion, you mean my passion.

Question: Right, I just think it’s coming off as threatening to some people.

Answer: Well, I don’t want anyone to be threatened.

Question: That is good.

Answer: …unless they leave bad reviews.

Question: Oh boy.

Answer: …cause those people maybe possibly could benefit in some small way from a good old fashioned threatening.

Question: Here we go.

Answer: Now, I’m not saying anything bad is going to happen to them. Right?

Question: Ugh. Of course you aren’t.

Answer: I’m just saying that, you know, accidents happen. Salt gets mislabeled as sugar.

Question: No it doesn’t.

Answer: …peanut butter will sometimes drop out of nowhere into your coffee…

Question: How?

Answer: …you know, sometimes people interview someone, and then when they get home, they find that all of the paintings in their house have been tipped just a couple of degrees off center. It happens.

Question: Yeah, I think we are done here…